Lonely and depressed stay at home mom with no friends… I see you. I feel your pain through the space between us. That pain spans the distance and connects us in a twisted and lonely way. You cry as you scrub the toilet, and for others it sneaks up when changing the sheets.
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You have no friends.
You’re not likable.
No one wants to be around you.
You’re not quite pretty enough.
You’re not cliquey enough for a birthday party invite.
Not fun enough for a girl’s trip invite.
You’re certainly not important enough to get a call or text out of the blue.
What am I missing?
Just go ahead and fill in the blanks with the rest of the lies you whisper to yourself… get them all out.
Out of your mouth and out of your mind.
The loneliest four walls are indeed the ones that we sit within all day long. Being committed to raising great kids can lead you to neglect your own heart completely.
Not only neglect, but allow thoughts of inadequacy, fault, flaws, and loneliness to take over until you’re so sad and lonely that none of what you do daily seems to matter or make sense.
But those have just got-to-be be lies, right?
Surely you’re not JUST a lonely and depressed stay at home mom?
Surely you have a purpose?
Yes… you have a great purpose.
Matter of fact, I’m convinced your purpose is why you feel this way. And the fact that you feel this way about yourself, proves your purpose is bigger than you could imagine.
Because here’s the thing; great purpose becomes great obstacles.
Committed To Everyone But Yourself
You’re committed to your kids and raising them to be well-mannered, well-behaved, responsible, confident adults.
I love that about you!
That’s why you and I connect so well. We have a common purpose. We share a common heart. It’s also why I have to tell you that you have an enemy. One who hates you and your children and wants to see you all fail. Read more about this enemy here.
So before you go on believing lies about who or what you are, let’s think about these thoughts rationally, for a moment.
Did you have friends before you had children? Yes, you did. I did too. Not an abundance, because I’m just like that… but I had friends.
Did you take time to do your hair and put on makeup from time to time? Well, ya… because you had to go to work. So you got ready pretty much every day.
Did you go out once in a while? Yup. And you probably got a little dressed up, too.
I know these things sound superficial.
Believe me, I get it.
I am the most “temporary-earthy-things-won’t-bring-you-happiness” person you’ll ever meet. BUT, I want you to consider for a second that you did those things before you had kids, and you didn’t feel lonely, isolated, and depressed. Now you don’t do them, and you do feel that way.
Not Alone – But Lonely And Depressed Stay At Home Mom
- “How lonely sits the city that was full of people!” In Lamentations 1:1, the city of Jerusalem is being addressed. She is lonely and isolated although full of people. Sound familiar?
- “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted!” In Psalm 25:16, King David is crying out for the Lord’s presence. The KING… is lonely.
Feelings of loneliness have little to do with being in the company of others. Isolation and loneliness are where you go when your heart is neglected.
It makes sense, doesn’t it, since all your time is spent nurturing the heart of the little person in your care! Your own heart is like an abandoned garden. Dying, shriveling, and wilting due to lack of nurture and care.
Community Is A Place To Belong – Not A Bunch Of People
- “Two are better than one…. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, God wants us to understand the strength that comes with being in
community. Now, since I know you think as I do, let me assure you, a community does not mean swarms of people! This particular verse refers to 2-3 people.
- “…not neglecting to meet together as some are in the habit of doing.” In Hebrews 10:29, (likely) the Apostle Paul is addressing the Romans. He offers a quick warning here to not stop meeting together. He understood the necessity of being among people!
- “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” In 1 Peter 4:9-11, we’re given instructions to show hospitality and serve one another with the strength that God supplies.
I have a dear friend who also has 4 kids and lives in a small home. She shared with me the other day that she had to get over feelings of inadequacy regarding hospitality. She wanted to host people in her home, but she had insecurities about doing it due to a lack of space.
However, she began to do it anyway. When I walk into that home, the peace of God is there. Her heart for showing people love by inviting them into her home fills the space with hospitality and warmth.
- “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 refers to Jesus as our friend. Jesus is our living example. I’ll admit for many years, there was no part of motherhood I’d lay down for anything. Over time, I began to re-prioritize when I felt the garden of my heart wilting.
Steps To Not Feeling Isolated And Lonely
The negative things you believe about yourself are lies. They just are. Sometimes it’s impossible to believe anything good about yourself because the only voices you’re hearing are your own distorted thoughts. You need some positive outside voices.
Like any good thing in life, you have to take the necessary steps. The lies you are believing are in your head, most likely because you are alone, or lonely, or both.
Lastly, think about a time when you felt fulfilled. Ask yourself what is different about your life now? You’ll find the number one difference is how much of yourself you pour out vs how much you pour in.
Pour into your heart with community, hospitality, and lay-down your Mommy-ness from time to time, to just be someone’s friend. Be intentional with this the same way you are intentional to raise great kids and you’ll get the same great results.