Lonely And Depressed Stay At Home Mom With No Friends

Lonely and depressed stay at home mom with no friends… I see you. I feel your pain through the space between us. That pain spans the distance and connects us in a twisted and lonely way. You cry as you scrub the toilet, and for others it sneaks up when changing the sheets.

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You have no friends.

You’re not likable.

No one wants to be around you.

You’re not quite pretty enough.

You’re not cliquey enough for a birthday party invite.

Not fun enough for a girl’s trip invite.

You’re certainly not important enough to get a call or text out of the blue.

What am I missing?

Just go ahead and fill in the blanks with the rest of the lies you whisper to yourself… get them all out.

Out of your mouth and out of your mind.

isolated lonely depressed stay at home mom holding baby while staring out the window

The loneliest four walls are indeed the ones that we sit within all day long. Being committed to raising great kids can lead you to neglect your own heart completely.

Not only neglect, but allow thoughts of inadequacy, fault, flaws, and loneliness to take over until you’re so sad and lonely that none of what you do daily seems to matter or make sense.

But those have just got-to-be be lies, right?

Surely you’re not JUST a lonely and depressed stay at home mom?

Surely you have a purpose?

Yes… you have a great purpose.

Matter of fact, I’m convinced your purpose is why you feel this way. And the fact that you feel this way about yourself, proves your purpose is bigger than you could imagine.

Because here’s the thing; great purpose becomes great obstacles.

Committed To Everyone But Yourself

You’re committed to your kids and raising them to be well-mannered, well-behaved, responsible, confident adults.

I love that about you!

That’s why you and I connect so well. We have a common purpose. We share a common heart. It’s also why I have to tell you that you have an enemy. One who hates you and your children and wants to see you all fail. Read more about this enemy here.

So before you go on believing lies about who or what you are, let’s think about these thoughts rationally, for a moment.

Did you have friends before you had children? Yes, you did. I did too. Not an abundance, because I’m just like that… but I had friends.

Did you take time to do your hair and put on makeup from time to time? Well, ya… because you had to go to work. So you got ready pretty much every day.

Did you go out once in a while? Yup. And you probably got a little dressed up, too.

I know these things sound superficial.

Believe me, I get it.

I am the most “temporary-earthy-things-won’t-bring-you-happiness” person you’ll ever meet. BUT, I want you to consider for a second that you did those things before you had kids, and you didn’t feel lonely, isolated, and depressed. Now you don’t do them, and you do feel that way.

Not Alone – But Lonely And Depressed Stay At Home Mom

  • “How lonely sits the city that was full of people!” In Lamentations 1:1, the city of Jerusalem is being addressed. She is lonely and isolated although full of people. Sound familiar?
  • “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted!” In Psalm 25:16, King David is crying out for the Lord’s presence. The KING… is lonely.

Feelings of loneliness have little to do with being in the company of others. Isolation and loneliness are where you go when your heart is neglected.

It makes sense, doesn’t it, since all your time is spent nurturing the heart of the little person in your care! Your own heart is like an abandoned garden. Dying, shriveling, and wilting due to lack of nurture and care.

Community Is A Place To Belong – Not A Bunch Of People

  • “Two are better than one…. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.” In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, God wants us to understand the strength that comes with being in community. Now, since I know you think as I do, let me assure you, a community does not mean swarms of people! This particular verse refers to 2-3 people.
  • “…not neglecting to meet together as some are in the habit of doing.” In Hebrews 10:29, (likely) the Apostle Paul is addressing the Romans. He offers a quick warning here to not stop meeting together. He understood the necessity of being among people!
  • “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” In 1 Peter 4:9-11, we’re given instructions to show hospitality and serve one another with the strength that God supplies.

I have a dear friend who also has 4 kids and lives in a small home. She shared with me the other day that she had to get over feelings of inadequacy regarding hospitality. She wanted to host people in her home, but she had insecurities about doing it due to a lack of space.

However, she began to do it anyway. When I walk into that home, the peace of God is there. Her heart for showing people love by inviting them into her home fills the space with hospitality and warmth.

  • “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 refers to Jesus as our friend. Jesus is our living example. I’ll admit for many years, there was no part of motherhood I’d lay down for anything. Over time, I began to re-prioritize when I felt the garden of my heart wilting.

Steps To Not Feeling Isolated And Lonely

The negative things you believe about yourself are lies. They just are. Sometimes it’s impossible to believe anything good about yourself because the only voices you’re hearing are your own distorted thoughts. You need some positive outside voices.

Like any good thing in life, you have to take the necessary steps. The lies you are believing are in your head, most likely because you are alone, or lonely, or both.

Lastly, think about a time when you felt fulfilled. Ask yourself what is different about your life now? You’ll find the number one difference is how much of yourself you pour out vs how much you pour in.

Pour into your heart with community, hospitality, and lay-down your Mommy-ness from time to time, to just be someone’s friend. Be intentional with this the same way you are intentional to raise great kids and you’ll get the same great results.

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17 Comments

  1. Thank you this really spoke to my situation,and am glad that you use the word of God to encourage us.

      1. I’m laying in my bathtub balling because everything you stated it sounded like I had wrote it it’s exactly how I feel 😭

  2. I definitely fell this. I’m a new mom and my fiancé and I moved across the country and away from my family & friends for his job shortly before my son was born. His job is so rigorous and time consuming so he has little time to spare. The pandemic has still been going on so everything has been closed and I haven’t really made friends. I used to be able to get out of the house but my car broke down, so now I don’t even have that. It’s usually just me and my sweet boy most days and it’s so lonely.

  3. I’m 21 and a single mom, I moved away from my hometown with my family and I have no friends. I’m a stay at home mom, so I struggle with feeling lonely and having a purpose. This helped❤️ Praying for you.

  4. This was truly encouraging, im a new mom and my husband’s job is 24 to 48 hours away from home. I find myself feeling down and just alone. Im quite young, and so many of the people at my church around my age aren’t even married. So I feel alone in the sense of no one understanding.

    1. Hi Ivey!

      Thanks so much for reaching out. Continue to revisit the scriptures when you feel like this! Have you read “You Are Not Enough” by Allie Stuckey? I highly recommend it!

      Many Blessings,
      Shelley

  5. I feel exactly this way. It’s hard for me to deal with being a stay at home mom. I want to give up. I don’t have a support system.

    1. Girl, I feel ya! We have a 4 year old and 2 year old and have never had a support system. We moved across the country twice to be close to family in hopes of some support in our journey. We have not found friendships and it has been really hard. After my second baby I had PPD and my physical health was not good. By the grace of God I came out the other side. My faith was doubled and knowing we had no support I poured all pain out to God and Jesus filled my mind, heart and whole life. Some days are still tough and at that time open a bible, listen to a sermon. You may not known why you aren’t going through this. Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
      God bless you. You were made for this! May God’s open up the heavens and pour out blessings you cannot contain. May your heart be filled with joy and your belly full of laughter!

    2. I feel the same way,I’m a stay at home and pregnant and feel like I don’t have a support system anymore either.It gets hard sometimes.

  6. Struggling today….I frequently feel this way since I quit my job to care for our four boys. DH is out of town four days a week and I am here alone. We are a part of a co-op group (homeschool family here) and will resume this week. I have made several attempts to step out of my comfort zone to make friends and I do not feel very encouraged. I truly thought those same women that are active in church would include me but that has not been my experience. I see a lot of cliques! Honestly, it’s taken everything inside of me today to just get out of bed. I am ashamed to admit that is where I am. I have decided to get the kids out of the house later this afternoon once school work is complete and go to the library and maybe find a playground. Wish me luck and thank you for your post!

    1. Hi Natalie!

      My heart aches as I read your words. Cliques are a real thing! It’s difficult to qualify though because not all people are going to have chemistry with all people. I tell my children, it’s alright to prefer the company of one person over another. We get along better with some people than others. The same is true (often more true) for adults.

      Getting out of the house as regularly as possible is a great first step! The sunshine literally and metaphorically has healing effects. So does the air outside.

      Keep looking for “your people” (or your person) they (she) are out there! Some personalities have a more difficult time with friendships. I can really relate to this! I’ve been told I’m TOO confident and intense to be friends with 🤷‍♀️! Seriously… in a society that likes to pretend they WANT women to be confident?

      Just keep getting out of bed, getting out of the house, and seeking resources that encourage and edify you! Choose to click away from or off of negative mommy sarcasm and satire you find online and on social media. It’s destructive!

      I’ll pray for your well-being and a full heart right now.

      Many blessings!

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